Time > Money

Oftentimes I get asked why I don’t go back to school and get my degree or seek a job with more money. My answer is time. I love the time I have with my family. Sure, I can get my degree and make more but those are hours with my family that I wouldn't be able to get back. They’re only little once. Besides, we’re doing fine with what I make and what I have budgeted. I don’t want to miss any games, plays or field days. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE school, I just love family time much more. I cherish every water fight, every game, every outing, basically every second I have with them.  I want them to look back and remember all the laughter and fun instead of me hitting the books and being too busy.

There will come a time when I’ll be able go back to school and more. Perhaps I’ll even enroll when my youngest does.  For now, though, they need me.  I have a teen and what teen doesn't need guidance? There’s no way I’ll pass that up. It’s not just the kids; it’s time with my mother when she’s in town. When I’m off for the day, I can spend time with her.  It’s the time with my siblings, even though it’s rare when we see each other, I treasure that.  

I guess I’m pretty loyal to the titles: mother, daughter, and sister. I do get “me time” and I enjoy it. I’m on a mini vacation from work as I type. One that I did not plan too well for! Ha ha.  I saw that both children would be away with camps and I thought Hmmm, why not take few days for myself? I really should have put more thought into this and planned a weekend getaway or something.  I’m dreadfully bored and even the roommate has noticed how quiet the house is without the kids.  I've visited and spent time with my peeps and have cleaned almost everything in this house.  Maybe next year I’ll add a line in my budget just for a situation like this but this is the first time this happened. Last year when I was alone I put in overtime so I wouldn't be bored. Come to think of it, I didn't even take a full week off last year either! But I digress...

Some people have an awesome support system to where they can go back like a spouse or parents and I think that’s great. But for me, it’s just me deciding how to spend time wisely.  And with that, family comes first.

With A Little Help From My Friends

I’ve had a best friend since second grade. Now it may not be the same best friend but I’ve always had one since I was seven. I seem to get a new one during different phases of my life. It happens. One of you moves away or goes to another school or it could be that you just grow apart. Still, I love how my close friends have been there for momentous occasions in my life. And yes, at times my significant others became my best friend. But lately, I’ve been finding myself becoming a loner. Not on purpose, but as adults we all have busy lives and sometimes schedules don’t always match up. When ALL of your female friends are married with children, you have to work around them.  I still have my guy friends though, and they are just as cool. The only thing is that I can’t talk to them about everything. But they’re still cool.

When I first started my job five years ago, there was something missing. I looked around and saw no one close to me in age. No females in their 20’s?!?!  How was I going to survive? Who would I email? Who would get pop culture references and random movie quotes???  Everyone was in their 40’s and up. So I kept my head down and ignored everyone. I would put my headphones on and just get work done. But I began to get lonely at work. I began wishing one of my friends would get a job there just so I could dine with someone at lunch.

In one of my earlier blog posts “All They Can Do Is Say No”, I revealed about taking chances and moving to different departments within the company.  I’m not sure how it started but by my 3rd year there I began taking breaks with an older woman.  We would go for walks on our breaks (we still do) and vent or talk about things going on in our lives.  I figure, why not? Let me try this out and really give it a shot.  The age difference would provide some insight.  I’m glad I did.  The woman had a lot of inside information since she had been with the company for a long time. Then I branched out and started talking to all the older ladies in my section. When our department moved I found a coworker closer to me in age (by this time I’m in my thirties).

I’m so glad I did this.  It has made work FUN. I come to the older ladies anytime I have a dilemma that could use their expertise and once a woman sewed the hem on my pants because she had a sewing kit and I ripped them somehow.  And with my young friend, I have someone to instant message about regarding clothes and other girly things.  We also have men in our department and in my old department we didn't have any.  I notice a huge difference with having men on the team. Women can be emotional creatures.  The men balance us out a lot and I love hearing their suggestions. We once had a video conference regarding my new haircut.  I had a heart to heart talk with one of my male coworkers and it felt good to get some things off of my chest.  I’ll email him for advice on some things and sometimes I’ll tell him when he is being too harsh on other employees (he’s a lead).

During this loner phase, I’ve found that I have really grown close to my coworkers.  I love them and their different personalities and I can't imagine not having them now.  Recently, we gave out yearbook awards.  Everyone got a certificate and what they were voted as.  I was voted Class Clown.  There was Coolest Employee, Best Dressed, Best Dancer, etc. etc. etc.

I love the social version of me a lot better than the quiet employee that I used to be.  I’m so late on this revelation but it is true, friends are all around us, we just have to be open to them. 

The Third Option

What would you do if you were seeing someone and things seemed well, but then your ex whom you've recently gotten over has come back into your life? And no, I’m not talking about me, lol, I never look back. Someone close to me has this dilemma.  

Healing FULLY after a breakup is important. I don’t believe in seeing other people to get over someone. We’re all much stronger than that. Pat* fell in love with the rebound.  But in recent events Pat’s ex has come back not knowing about the new love. Pat has not told Ex about New Love but New Love knows about Ex. After discussing this, I did get somewhat to the heart of the matter. New Love is good person and even thought Pat has slight reservations regarding New Love, Pat feels that if they break up and New Love leaves then what if that was Pat’s only chance to be with someone who is as good as Pat has been with.

So to review we have Pat with strong feelings for New Love but also letting Ex come in through a crack in the relationship, not fully but ever so slightly. Of course I sat back and let Pat be Pat. But I did leave on this note: Just because you didn't choose Ex doesn't mean you have to choose New Love. There is always that third option. Neither. 

I can see Pat struggles with feelings of loneliness.  People make mistakes and get involved with the wrong people because of those feelings. Sometimes they find the right one but their desperation and clinginess is a turn off and the other person runs.  

I hope things turn out well for Pat in the end. I don’t want to see anyone I care about hurt or confused. Just remember, sometimes door #3 is you.  You deserve the best. 

*I'm trying to remain as vague as possible on gender. Unisex name it is!