The End Of The Road

There comes a time in some relationships when one wants to call it quits. If it’s mutual and amicable then consider yourself lucky. By the way, I’m not talking divorce here; I think marriage should be forever and if divorce is on the table then think long and hard about going forward with it.  This is just a relationship. You've been getting to know someone.  You've probably gone out for a while and you’re just not feeling it anymore.  What to do, what to do?  Calling a relationship quits is one of the most difficult things for people to do. Man or woman, no one likes hurting another person, especially if you care for them. Here are a few considerations when going about it:

1. Don’t wait. Whatever the reason is, break up with the other person as soon as possible. Putting it off will only make things worse in the long run.  Don’t string someone along.

2.  Don’t do it by phone unless distance is a factor. Texting is rude and you don’t want to be seen as a jerk. And don't get me started on voice mail or email. Do it face to face. Which brings me to….

3. Break up with them at their place or a public place.  If it happens at your place then they might not leave. At their place you can leave when you have said your piece and have heard theirs. Be careful about ending it in a public place if they are prone to make a scene, unless you feel scared, which in that case you really do need to break up with them.

"I'm begging you stop asking questions, get off my couch and please leave. It's been 3 hours."

4.  Start off small. It may not be a big deal to the other party. A simple “You’re a great guy but this is not the right time for me. Here is the ____ I borrowed”. Omit the last sentence if nothing was borrowed or given.  This may be all that’s required and they could be super understanding. But do have a backup plan in case they desire a reason. You really don’t have to explain yourself for 20 minutes unless you feel the need to but just let them know. Ex: “It’s just not the right time for me.”  He may respond with a “Cool”. If that’s that, then you’re done. But if not….

5.  Be honest…..sort of. This depends on the situation. You’re already breaking up with them; they don’t need to know you want to see if it works with another girl. Try “I don’t think we’re as compatible as I initially thought we were.” You don’t want to say “I don’t want to be with anyone right now”, because if she sees you with another girl you will look like a lying douche-bag  But you also don’t want to be brutal by telling her that you are more attracted to someone else. Saying the compatibility line frees it up and sends the message that you did try and it just didn't work.

6.  Refrain from intimacy, even if it’s a goodbye kiss. You don’t want to give them false hopes. Possibly a hug could be closure but anything more will just exacerbate the situation. And make sure you do say “goodbye” in case they are the type of people that will need closure. It doesn't matter if you will see them at work or on campus, you are saying goodbye to the relationship.

7. Don't be public about it. Quietly change your status on social networks. There are options so any changes won't be publicized. 

We’re all adults here and past the juvenile stage of just ignoring someone until they get the hint. I've been there and done that and wish I could have handled things differently. I know, shame on me!! Hopefully I will never have to give a break up speech again, or have one spoken to me for that matter! Until next time.

Movie Review: Jack The Giant Slayer

Movie Review

Jack The Giant Slayer

Rated: PG-13

Violence (battle scenes and dismemberment)

Language

I had the chance to see Jack the Giant Slayer. I didn't love it, but I did like it. The group I saw it with had mixed feelings about the movie and that really didn't help. We were divided.

For those that don't know Jack (Nicholas Hoult) climbs an unbelievably large beanstalk that grew via magic beans. In this movie he is assisting in the rescue of a princess (Eleanor Tomlinson). Up there he and the king's chosen men find a slew of giants that just so happen to eat people.

Let me start with what I didn't like about the movie. By the way, I saw this is IMAX 3D with Dolby Digital sound. I felt those effects were important in a movie of this magnitude. The movie began slowly. A little too slow for my taste.  It took about 20 minutes to get the characters introduced and to get the ball rolling. Some of the comedic scenes weren't that funny. A few garnered a laugh from me but that was about it.  Also I wasn't sure about the ending. Was it open for a sequel or what?  And I think the final battle scene was a little anti-climactic. Fortunately there was one scene right before that one that was exciting.

Not too sure but....they might be giants.

Now on to what I did like about it. Of course the graphics were stellar.  Every giant had its own unique look while still looking like a related tribe or kingdom if you will. The beanstalk was spectacular. It was the best adaptation of a beanstalk from a book. It took the house with it and it reminded me of Dorothy’s house being swept up in The Wizard of Oz which coincidentally the prequel is out at this same time. There were some violent scenes but nothing remarkable. I love that there was an entire army of giants and not just ten. And those giants were creepy looking. Some reminded me of Garbage Pail Kids. If you’re afraid of heights as I am, then certain scenes will make your palms sweat. The sound was great, you could hear every breath in some intense scenes and when there was a yell it shook the table (restaurant theater).

All in all, it wasn't as fantastic as I hoped it would have been. And I really wanted it to be. I just can’t put my finger on what the film was missing.  I don’t think it was worth it seeing in 3D for just a few scenes. I would have done 2D had I known. One more thing, teens may find it boring while elementary school age children may be a little afraid of the giants. I know because I was with one and those giants can appear ferocious. I give it 6 ½ stars out of 10.

Also starring Stanley Tucci.

Old Habits Die Hard

Recently, one of my exes attempted to contact me. It threw me for a loop as it had been years since we spoke. A lot of things went through my mind, but most notably was “I thought I had made myself clear”. Some people will disagree with this but once I move on, I really move on. I know it’s possible to remain friends but I don’t think I can. Why would I still have someone in my life, which I loved as hard as I am known to love, and introduce them to a new S.O.*? I would feel that’s disrespectful to my new man (I’m single but still). Or what if it’s them that has a new S.O., I’m pretty sure she wouldn't be too fond of me. Either way I don’t look back, I look forward.

The notion of contacting your ex got me thinking about why some people would go there. I think it could go either way. Whether a person has broken it off or was the one who was dumped I think there can be bouts of “I wonder what they’re doing” or “I wonder if we still have something”.  But why go back to something that clearly didn't work? I’m not talking about breaking it off because of timing or distance or something beyond the person’s control to change. This post is about trying to reconcile with someone you've hurt or was hurtful to you. Here are a few reasons why I think that people would do this:

They’re not happy with their lives. They might be unemployed or battling an addiction. Or maybe they do have everything but they don’t have you. For some reason they think having you back would make them complete. That leads me to the next reason.

They are lonely. I think of drunk dialing but the uncontrollable urge to contact someone when sober has to be looked at as well. The ex was their security blanket. It may not have been good for them but it made them comfortable. Running back to old relationships means they’re not growing. It’s time for them to get out of the comfort zone.

"I know I called your new girlfriend a slut and keyed your car, but you think we could get coffee sometime?"

Another excuse for calling the ex is they STILL need closure. I've seen this happen when I was in a relationship. My then boyfriend got a long-winded email from an ex and one of her explanations for contacting him was everything was in ruins for her (see two paragraphs up). And secondly, she herself was in a relationship. She was scared of getting serious too quick and contacted him perhaps to see if he was there for her to run back to.  She found the door for her was closed and she moved on. Occasionally we need a push in another direction because we may not make the decision on our own.

Those are just a few examples. If you have any more to add from your own personal experiences please let us know in the comments. Your story could save someone from making that desperate call to an ex. In case you are wondering, I never replied to my ex. He was blocked and hopefully he won’t try to contact me again. J

Readers if you are interested in a refreshing viewpoint from a guy, check out Lance’s blog! I’m a fan of his work.

*Significant other. I used it to cover that broad range from boy/girlfriend to spouse. 

Unleash The Fanboy

Hey all, check out my review at Unleash The Fanboy. You can read it here.

Don't Ever Change (For Me)

I don’t consider this a deal breaker, because that implies that it’s early in the getting- to-know-you stages. This is more for a relationship that has run its course. But I’m starting a series on deal breakers soon and this is kind of a segue in into it.  I wanted to write about this because this is a "final straw" type thing.

There are two ways this could happen. Let’s explore the first which is someone promising to change. Thinking back to a time when I was going through a nasty break up, I remember the promise of “I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t go”. If I’m walking away it’s too late.  I don’t want someone changing on my accord. I want you to come to me already on the same wave length, granted that relationship was full of red flags and I kept ignoring them until I couldn't take it anymore, but what if it wasn't? What if he was wonderful and we just didn't flow together? I still wouldn't want to mold someone to my liking.

This brings me to the second way change is proposed. When you want the other person to change instead of them offering it.  That old adage of women training men is garbage. No one should date someone to change them or “train” them. That’s different from adapting to being with someone. We might make little tweaks here and there to accommodate one another and that’s perfectly fine within the lines of compromise. It’s when you start attempting to change their personality and who there are regardless if it’s a personality that’s immature or self-centered. You may want them to be a better person but that’s going to be up to them to grow up. This is why it’s okay to be picky when dating. Once you’re with someone, love them for who they are quirks and all.*

Whether it’s the other person’s idea for them to change or yours, in the end, the one who changes becomes resentful and a break up would ensue anyway. Basically someone changing for you is just prolonging the inevitable.

With that said, change is still good, but it has to come from within. And I would like to point out that people can change for the better. I've seen it happen several times, not just in partnerships but also family situations. As for me, personally? I’m constantly evaluating myself and seeing what areas I can improve in. I want personal growth and maturity in all aspects of my life. I think the world needs more nice people. And it can be difficult sometimes. I can be moody or tired or cranky, but I still want to be pleasant to people. I also want to work on focusing better. I’m so used to doing 5 things at once that some things start to suffer. I like to take pride in my work and lately I’ve been noticing some things are taking a back seat. I really need to sit down and prioritize everything I have going on. Being single, I have the time to do this more so than if I was in a relationship. But don’t let being with someone stop you. We can all use a little self-evaluation. In this coming year, what would you like to work on that’s out of the norm?

* I would advise if the other person is abusive in any way, shape, or form to get up and leave immediately. Everyone knows from one of my earlier posts that I do not condone abuse of any kind.