The End Of The Road

There comes a time in some relationships when one wants to call it quits. If it’s mutual and amicable then consider yourself lucky. By the way, I’m not talking divorce here; I think marriage should be forever and if divorce is on the table then think long and hard about going forward with it.  This is just a relationship. You've been getting to know someone.  You've probably gone out for a while and you’re just not feeling it anymore.  What to do, what to do?  Calling a relationship quits is one of the most difficult things for people to do. Man or woman, no one likes hurting another person, especially if you care for them. Here are a few considerations when going about it:

1. Don’t wait. Whatever the reason is, break up with the other person as soon as possible. Putting it off will only make things worse in the long run.  Don’t string someone along.

2.  Don’t do it by phone unless distance is a factor. Texting is rude and you don’t want to be seen as a jerk. And don't get me started on voice mail or email. Do it face to face. Which brings me to….

3. Break up with them at their place or a public place.  If it happens at your place then they might not leave. At their place you can leave when you have said your piece and have heard theirs. Be careful about ending it in a public place if they are prone to make a scene, unless you feel scared, which in that case you really do need to break up with them.

"I'm begging you stop asking questions, get off my couch and please leave. It's been 3 hours."

4.  Start off small. It may not be a big deal to the other party. A simple “You’re a great guy but this is not the right time for me. Here is the ____ I borrowed”. Omit the last sentence if nothing was borrowed or given.  This may be all that’s required and they could be super understanding. But do have a backup plan in case they desire a reason. You really don’t have to explain yourself for 20 minutes unless you feel the need to but just let them know. Ex: “It’s just not the right time for me.”  He may respond with a “Cool”. If that’s that, then you’re done. But if not….

5.  Be honest…..sort of. This depends on the situation. You’re already breaking up with them; they don’t need to know you want to see if it works with another girl. Try “I don’t think we’re as compatible as I initially thought we were.” You don’t want to say “I don’t want to be with anyone right now”, because if she sees you with another girl you will look like a lying douche-bag  But you also don’t want to be brutal by telling her that you are more attracted to someone else. Saying the compatibility line frees it up and sends the message that you did try and it just didn't work.

6.  Refrain from intimacy, even if it’s a goodbye kiss. You don’t want to give them false hopes. Possibly a hug could be closure but anything more will just exacerbate the situation. And make sure you do say “goodbye” in case they are the type of people that will need closure. It doesn't matter if you will see them at work or on campus, you are saying goodbye to the relationship.

7. Don't be public about it. Quietly change your status on social networks. There are options so any changes won't be publicized. 

We’re all adults here and past the juvenile stage of just ignoring someone until they get the hint. I've been there and done that and wish I could have handled things differently. I know, shame on me!! Hopefully I will never have to give a break up speech again, or have one spoken to me for that matter! Until next time.