Old Habits Die Hard

Recently, one of my exes attempted to contact me. It threw me for a loop as it had been years since we spoke. A lot of things went through my mind, but most notably was “I thought I had made myself clear”. Some people will disagree with this but once I move on, I really move on. I know it’s possible to remain friends but I don’t think I can. Why would I still have someone in my life, which I loved as hard as I am known to love, and introduce them to a new S.O.*? I would feel that’s disrespectful to my new man (I’m single but still). Or what if it’s them that has a new S.O., I’m pretty sure she wouldn't be too fond of me. Either way I don’t look back, I look forward.

The notion of contacting your ex got me thinking about why some people would go there. I think it could go either way. Whether a person has broken it off or was the one who was dumped I think there can be bouts of “I wonder what they’re doing” or “I wonder if we still have something”.  But why go back to something that clearly didn't work? I’m not talking about breaking it off because of timing or distance or something beyond the person’s control to change. This post is about trying to reconcile with someone you've hurt or was hurtful to you. Here are a few reasons why I think that people would do this:

They’re not happy with their lives. They might be unemployed or battling an addiction. Or maybe they do have everything but they don’t have you. For some reason they think having you back would make them complete. That leads me to the next reason.

They are lonely. I think of drunk dialing but the uncontrollable urge to contact someone when sober has to be looked at as well. The ex was their security blanket. It may not have been good for them but it made them comfortable. Running back to old relationships means they’re not growing. It’s time for them to get out of the comfort zone.

"I know I called your new girlfriend a slut and keyed your car, but you think we could get coffee sometime?"

Another excuse for calling the ex is they STILL need closure. I've seen this happen when I was in a relationship. My then boyfriend got a long-winded email from an ex and one of her explanations for contacting him was everything was in ruins for her (see two paragraphs up). And secondly, she herself was in a relationship. She was scared of getting serious too quick and contacted him perhaps to see if he was there for her to run back to.  She found the door for her was closed and she moved on. Occasionally we need a push in another direction because we may not make the decision on our own.

Those are just a few examples. If you have any more to add from your own personal experiences please let us know in the comments. Your story could save someone from making that desperate call to an ex. In case you are wondering, I never replied to my ex. He was blocked and hopefully he won’t try to contact me again. J

Readers if you are interested in a refreshing viewpoint from a guy, check out Lance’s blog! I’m a fan of his work.

*Significant other. I used it to cover that broad range from boy/girlfriend to spouse.