What Are You Waiting For?

Everyone once in a while someone comes along and tells me I need to find someone. Don’t get me wrong, I do want to be in a relationship….someday.  But now is not a good time. There is so much to do and I give my all to everything I’m involved in that there is no room. I once got asked “What are you so afraid of?” I’m not but I guess if pressed for an answer then I’d be afraid of being with someone just to be with someone and then biding time until someone else comes along. Or being with someone I’m not that attracted to.  Settling.

I want the real thing. And if it never happens, I’m okay with it. There are worse things in the world. So many people have left this earth without ever experiencing romantic love. Sometimes people have left without experiencing any love at all. What’s one more person? There are people on this earth fighting to just survive or even eat.

What am I doing in the mean time? Playing the chess game of life. Getting all the pieces in place. I guess I have several chess games going at once. Most notably is the climbing the career ladder at my job. I was hinted today that I’d be a good manager. Second time and I think I should start making a move towards that. Second game would be a writing career. Doing what I love for a living.

But I digress, as I've said before I want to find someone who’s into 83% of the things I’m into. The other 17% is so we can go off and do our own thing. I know what I want and I believe that he’s out there and it’s just a matter of timing. I’m glad that it’s not weird anymore to be single and not looking. There are a lot of other people out there focused and ambitious and the last thing they need is a relationship.

                                                          It's half past bachelorhood.

I spoke with someone recently who is in a relationship and his life is not where he wants it at the moment. We discussed his girlfriend and I asked him “When you get everything together are you going to leave her because you think you can do better?” and his response was “That’s what I’m afraid of”. He said she can sense this and is still holding on. I don’t agree with the way this person is handling this and I've stated it, but it’s not my life. He knows right from wrong and I've reiterated just how wrong this was.  That’s what looking for love when you are lonely can do. Both were lonely when they found each other. Instead of using that time alone productively and enjoying it, they chose to run from themselves to another person.

I know if I ever get into a relationship, I’ll think back to my “single days” and might even miss them. I’m cherishing them now. A friend once told me how backwards I was “Most girls dress up when they’re single in order to catch a man’s eye and then when they’re in a relationship they start dressing down. You do the exact opposite.” I kind of like my way. Who am I trying to impress??? Yes, I dress up for work and special occasions, but for now I want to be comfortable.  This is who I am at this point in my life. I feel like I have all the time in the world to read a book, watch an entire season of a TV show, or just get up and leave. When you’re with someone you have to compromise and pay attention to each other’s needs.  I want to be there for them. I think by enjoying my alone phase, I’ll cherish the relationship phase all the more. If that happens….